Okay, who didn´t see this coming ? I really tried to finish my WOLVERINE BY LARRY HAMA AND MARK SILVESTRI post without having to resort to any spin - off posts but the part about iconic Wonder Woman Lynda Carter and especially Busenwunder Loni Anderson kept getting longer and longer until I had no choice but to give it its own post. And just so it is not all balls to the wall cult siren cleavages and bikini boobies I have decided to tame two amazons with one stone and include some Wonder Woman stuff.
So I was going through the options like doing another GOODBYEGERMANYpost - this time with a collection of my favorite WUNDERGIRL ( yep, in Germany Wonder Woman was called Wondergirl which you can imagine caused a lot of trouble when the Donna Troy Wondergirl from theNewTeenTitans hit the scene in JUNGEGIGANTEN) covers from Ehapa - or one with the best original art where I don´t have enough for an artist feature but then I opted for one that I promised my readers long before 2020.
Which is the WONDER WOMAN run by William Messner - Loebs that fans Today mostly remember for Mike Deodato´s exaggerated female anatomy - he took the term " legs for miles "quite literal - and Wonder Woman´s famous ( or infamous ) black leather hooker outfit with the blue jacket.
I have to confess I was rather fond of the new look and I am surprised that with the way Hollywood execs always try to discard the actual super hero costumes in favor of black costumes, and especially skin tight black leather costumes if it´s a woman we haven´t seen it on the silver screen yet. It definitely would have made Wonder Woman 1985 less of a waste of time.
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A MOVIE RUMMAGE TABLE WITH LYNDA CARTER AND LONI ANDERSON !
We come to something somewhat comicbook related since one of the two actresses in this tv show portrayed DC Comicsbest knownsuper heroine on tv while the other appeared in the most successful tv series of the 70s starring a Marvel Comics character and played the wife of an actor who had a mega hit in the 80s bringing Robert E. Howard´s best known swords & sorcery hero to the silver screen. Who also was adapted into a comic series by Marvel Comics and this would be his best comicbookseriesever.
Now this is one of those rare occassions where you find something you have already given up any hope of being able to showcase it on the blog.
In this case it´s Partners In Crime which features two ultimate sexbombs : divine all natural 38D - 23 - 37 cult siren Lynda Carter and buxom former 38E - 25 - 36 knockout Loni Anderson. That´s right, I´m saying former 38E because sadly she has reduced her breathtaking busticide to a mere 38C.
For me nobody in Hollywood has eclipsed Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman so far which I have elaborated at length in various posts. I wrote the first one way way back in 2011 which I split into two posts. A very short one on Lynda Carter and a longer one on the Wonder Woman tv series of which I did an updated version of with a lot of high quality animated GIFs in 2016.
In 2019 I did a Wonder Woman post with a lot of stuff about Lynda Carter but also some original comicbook pages and in 2020 I even managed to write two Wonder Woman posts, one about Don Heck´s tenure on the book ( which also includes Nubia or how she is more often called Black Wonder Woman ) and one about the Wonder Woman comic RichBucklerdid for Power Records. I still don´t know if this was from a pre - existing comicbook or if Rich Buckler did this exclusively for Power Records. If anybody out there knows please let me know in the comments below.
Now since I have already written so many times about Lynda Carter but only about Loni Anderson two times - none of them cult siren entries - I want to take a few moments to go throught the highlights of her vitae.
BORN FOR PORN : EARLY BLOOMER LONI ANDERSON ( 37D AT AGE 14 ! )
The blonde bombshell was especially popular with all the boys at her school after she developed an incredible 37D bust at the tender age of 14 but her 37D - 20 - 32 measurements drove all guys in her home town crazy.
Because of her giant boobs she was at first merciless teased by her female classmates but that ridicule turned into envy once Loni began to draw the unwanted attention of first all the boys in her class then all male teachers.
BORN FOR PORN 2 : THERE´S SOMETHING JUMPING UNDER YOUR SHIRT
She had to ask to be exempted from gym class because the boys always were reaching under her shirts which were too short to contain her tits and when she partook in strenuous physical activities where her big boobs naturally were bouncing up and down like crazy the boys were distracted so much that quite a few injured themselves. Especially swim class was a disaster since Loni was almost sexually assaulted in the shower by the entire male part of her class after they saw her boobs all wet in a bikini.
BORN FOR PORN 3 : LONI´S MILKSHAKES BRING THE BOYS TO THE YARD
After that all the horny guys from her class ganged up on her every day during recess and shoved her into a secluded part of the school yard to take turns openly fondling her big breasts until the school bell rang again.
This went on for a few months until groping her boobs was not enough and Loni had to massage their huge boners with her huge rack. Naturally it wasn´t long before the bastards started shoving their huge horsecocks down Loni´s throat which turned into the daily recess blowjob bonanza.
ONLY THE LONI : THE SEXUAL BLOWJOB TAMING OF MISS ANDERSON
Things seemed to improve when three boys who were two classes above Loni scared all the perverts away but her hopes were quickly dashed when she learned that they only did that to use her as their personal blow up sex doll themselves. Which she found out the hard way when they crashed a field trip and bound and gagged her before she could do anything. Then they dragged her to the back of the bus and hid under some left behind sports equipment and as soon as everybody had left they stripped off Loni´s clothes and tied her to the last bench where the boys took turns.
One of the female teachers returned early and tried to stop them from using Loni like a cheap prostitute but because she was very young and had perfect tits like a pornstar and the hot body of a Playmate of the Year with legs for miles almost up to her chin the boys had wanted to slam - fuck her in the worst way for years. So they simply overpowered her, stripped her naked and tied her together with Loni with her big boobs queezed against Loni´s massive melons. Then they tag - teamed both stacked sexbombs with renewed vigor to see how loud they could make them scream until the first students started coming back. They tried to report this but this only brought more attention to Loni´s already booming pornstar body from her teachers who started to make her stay late after class for special oral assignments while it was open season on the teacher who was sexually assaulted by all her male students and colleagues alike on a daily basis.
BORN FOR PORN 4 : STRIPPING LONI ANDERSON´S PRIVATE LESSONS !
She worked her way through school by secretly winning beauty pageants by day and stripping under the name of Lay Loni at night and when she was 18 she had to become a teacher to support herself and her new baby.
She tried working as a babysitter but quickly had to give up that career since all of her clients were either pervy guys who looked much younger then they actually were and lied about their age to get Loni to spend the night in their room where they could use her like a cheap blow up sex doll.
Or boys who really were underage but had already developed a huge cock and used every dirty trick in the book to get blowjob world champion Loni to deepthroat them for hours and grant them all kinds of sexual favors.
That said a natural born men milking machine like Loni Anderson who was trained from a very young age to drain dicks like a fillipino hooker could have probably handled being relentlessly used as a sextoy by horny liars and early bloomers alike. But on top of that abuse the man of the house insisted on getting a piece of the action once he laid eyes on her body.
If she wanted to get paid she had to indulge his sexual cravings and the real reason why she quit the babysitting gig was that every assignment ended with Loni tied up completely naked in the bedroom screaming at the top of her lungs while a sweaty guy drilled her in every hole. And she just couldn´t take it anymore getting her brains banged out six ways to Sunday by a serial rapist and his Daddy the same night seven days a week.
HOT FOR TEACHER : WELCOME TO DEEPTHROAT HIGH SCHOOL LONI
Not that she had it any easier as a teacher since most of her pupils were prepubescent megahorny boys who tried to take advantage of the fact that Loni was home schooling them and needed the money doing their best to make her change the subject of her classes from english to sex ed.
Even when she managed to persuade them to stick to english their ideas of classic literature was along the lines of Fanny Hill, Lady Chatterly´s Lover, History Of O, Diary Of A Nymphomaniac, Memoirs Of An Ex - Nun With Pent Up Sexual Needs or Joy Of Sex and for film study they went with RussMeyermovies and tried to re - enact the sex scenes with Loni.
And when they were not trying to openly assault her sexually they were always drooling all over her clevage since the thermostat was set so high that Loni had to open all the buttons of her shirt she could without her boobs popping out. At the end of the class her shirt was so sweaty that it would fit her body like a second skin and she learned very early on not to wear white shirts because it would show her full nipples or to come into the reach of her pupils because they would immediatelly rip her shirt off.
BORN FOR PORN 5 : YOUR BODY WAS NOT BUILT FOR RADIO LONI !
Best known for being married to Burt Reynolds and playing the highly - paid, sexy, intelligent, and incredibly efficient receptionist Jennifer Marlowe on WKRP in Cincinnati which turned her into a sex symbol overnight Loni was hired for the part after a decade of unemployment because the producers saw a photo of her in a stunning red swimsuit.
The show suffered through the Nielsen ratings during its four year run but had a strong and loyal following among teenagers and young adults thanks to it´s main attraction. Later on Loni played Jane Mansfield, the role she was practically born for alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger and appeared in the episode Of Guilt, Models And Murders on The Incredible Hulk tv show.
BORN FOR PORN 6: TEAMING UP WITH WONDER WOMAN LYNDA CARTER
So it made perfect sense to pair her with ultimate tv sex icon Lynda Carter in Partners In Crime ( whew, you never thought we would get back to this ). The premisse of the show is that both were married to the same man and meet at his funeral. They inherit a mansion and a detective agency and after solving the mistery of his murder they decide to continue the detective agency to pay the mortage on the mansion they inherited.
BORN FOR PORN 7 : A STACKED CAST - BUSENWUNDER LONI ANDERSON
Now before going any further I have to give kudos to any guy - fictional or not - who manages to get married not only to lustful Loni Anderson but also to love machine Lynda Carter. I wouldn´t precisely call it an upgrade to go from Lynda Carter to Loni Anderson because Lynda Carter is one of my all time tv crushes but on the other hand if you have to pick somebody as a substitute for Lynda Carter you better hope to get someone of the calibre of Busenwunder Loni Anderson who has such an incredible body that she was tapped to bring three Hollywood Hall of Boob Fame All Stars to busty live : Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield and Mamie Van Doren.
BORN FOR PORN 8 : A STACKED CAST - NO WONDER BRA FOR LYNDA
Man, no matter why they finally got divorced ( he probably couldn´t keep up with those ultimate men milking machines ) the wedding nights with these incredible sex goddessess must have been beyond epic. Although the term " wedding night "might not be appropriate since he probably didn´t let them leave the bedroom for two weeks during which he fulfilled every wet sex dream he ever had until they completely wore his dick out.
Not to mention the other perks of marriage like coming home after a hard day of work only to find one of these horny dicktamers waiting for him or being able to work out any frustrations in the bedroom. And I don´t mean with his fists but through sweaty sex marathons. Man, can you imagine what a crazy bedroom fury young Lynda Carter must have been between the sheet ? Not only did she have a body that could easily multiply the sales numbers of any adult magazine - as she more than proved in her segment of the 1991 made for tv movie Posing : Inspired By Three Real Stories also known as I Posed for Playboy - with her background as a dancer she was extremely flexible and could not only do the splits at the drop of a hat but also bend her nubile body in all kind of imaginable ways.
By the way, if you haven´t done it by now do yourself a favour and check out Bobbie Joe And The Outlaw which contains the only nude scene of then 25 years old Lynda Carter in her prime. In any case having two of the hottest commodities of that time on the same television show alone should have been worth the price of admission so why did the show tank ?
BORN FOR PORN 9 : LOST IN SYNDICATION - BOOBS vs GOOD WRITING !
Well, besides the two actresses being stoked to work on the project and willing to put their breast foot forward the series was plagued by a literal litany of problems ( all of which you can read at detail in Eric Grigs article The Case Of The Partners In Crime Curse over at POP TRASH MUSEUM) starting with airing the episodes out of order to capitalize on Vanessa Williams guest - starring in episode two to replacing the original show creator with hacks who turned a character driven show into cheap jiggle tv only interested in sex appeal and amping the T & A factor to the max.
Not that there´s anything wrong with that. If I had been the producer of this there would have been an obligatory 5 minutes minimum bikini scene with both actresses wearing the tiniest bikinis I could get past tv censors in every episode which would have been balls to the wall cleavage fest with the girls going undercover as lingerie models or high class escort girls ( you can´t have women of class like Lynda Carter and Loni Anderson go undercover as simple street hookers since their cover would be instantly blown because they attract a superior clientele without trying too hard ).
But the fact is despite Lynda Carter and Loni Anderson doing their best to entertain while wearing some pretty hot outfits on the show - with Loni Anderson wearing the more revealing ones and even a white bikini in one episode - and having some impressive guest stars the show never got high ratings and only lasted for 13 episodes. Which you now can find on the YouTube channel below which is the whole reason why I put it on the blog.
Now I have never seen the show and I haven´t had the time to watch any of the episodes since I dicovered the channel so I have to go out on a limb and hope I picked a good one. Being more a Lynda Carter fan than a Loni Anderson fan the preview thumbnail should give you a good idea why I picked this episode which not only features what might very well be Lynda Carter´s best outfit of the entire show but also David Soul from Starsky & Hutch. That´s right, Lynda Carter guest - starred on their show and now David Soul has come to Partners In Crime to return the favor. I hope you enjoy the episode and as always you never know how long videos will stay on YouTube so you better be quick and watch them before they are gone.
ART IMITATING LIFE : LONI ANDERSON´S INFLUENCE ON COMICBOOKS
Beyond that Loni Anderson had a big impact on pop culture although in a more subtle and lesser known kind of way since a lot of comicbook artists - with JohnByrne and Paul Pelletier being the most obvious ones ( the second of which should be no surprise to any comicbook afficionado worth his salt since he started off imitating JohnByrne´s style ) - based the look of their female protagonists on Loni Anderson´s facial features.
Especially in Paul Pelletier´s early work you can see the signature traits that mark Loni Anderson as an expert of oral sex : perfect blowjob lipps made to be wrapped around a rock hard erection and those pronounced cheekbones women only get from decades of excessive deepthroating.
BUILT FOR SEX : LONI´S EARLY LIFE or HOW TO GET A HEAD IN SCHOOL
On which Loni Anderson got a "head start "( sorry for the bad pun ) from an early age since her breasts almost exploded to the aforementioned almost inhuman 37D bust after her 14th birthday which enticed her male classmates to start her oral education. At first they were content with taking turns motorboating her every day during recess in a secluded part of the school yard until groping her boobs was not enough and Loni had to massage their pulsating boners with her booming teenage titties. Naturally it wasn´t long before it turned into the daily recess deepthroat marathon.
At this point three delinquents from her school who were 18 noticed Loni and as soon as they got a good eyeful of her overdeveloped double airbags almost popping out of her microscopic bikini - at least it looked that way in comparision - they decided it was about time to take a more active interest in improving her oral skills. So after the incident at the field trip I mentioned where they savagely dick - tamed the underage Busenwunder and a teacher with perfectly shaped breasts who had tried to help her in the back of the bus every day after school they insisted on giving Loni a ride home. This ride of course included a detour to their club house and special soundproof " taming room " where they forced her to swallow their massive monstercocks for hours - a skill set that would come in handy during her college years as the " head "cheerleader but especially in her acting career. With her body Loni was grade a casting couch material.
BUILT FOR SEX 2 : PRIME CASTING COUCH CANDIDATE LONI ANDERSON !
Loni didn´t want to get her roles that way but very few studio execs had much faith in her abilities as an actress so she had to swallow her pride and use what Mother Nature had given her in abundance to get work.
But her pride was not the only thing Loni Anderson had to swallow as every horny guy in Hollywood with a bit of influence lined up to put her pornstar body through the paces once word got out what an incredible dickdrainer she was. Loni´s days were completely booked with auditions and they often lasted into the night when they were relocated to the honeymoon suite of a luxurious five star hotel where three influential movie people would take turns pounding Loni´s hardbody into submission.
Thankfully she had a lot of practice spreading her legs like a cheap hooker during her time in school because it was the only way for her to get roles.
Loni was constantly in a horizontal position because even if they had planned to give her the role she had come to audition for from the start she still had to spend countless hours on the casting couch taking it in every position because they just couldn´t let the once - in - a - lifetime chance pass to slam - fuck an ultimate breed mare like Loni Anderson.
She was just destined to be a sextoy for men because even if there was a decent bloke among them who hadn´t planned to take advantage of Loni all his good intentions flew right out the window as soon as she entered the audition room and he got a look at her bonerinducing body. Then his most basic instincts would kick in and he would ravage her until morning.
At first Loni managed to avoid being sexually assaulted thanks to her superior deepthroating abilities but those horny perverts were not always satisfied with an hourlong blowjob and whenever she failed to completely drain them things would turn serious. And when you think they were dick - taming Loni Anderson hard as a brunette that was nothing compared to the upcoming sperm storm she was subjected to as those serial rapist were sent into a fuck frenzy when Loni changed her hair color to blond.
She was merciless assssaulted by huge monstercocks from all sides which relentlessly penetrated every orifice of her body and stretched out all her holes. On top of that the brutal attacks were so overwhelming that she was completely helpless againt them and had no choice but to try and endure. They literally drowned the poor gal in cum and at one point things got so far out of control that Loni had to start taking self defense lessons.
BUILT FOR SEX 3 : GOT MYSELF A WALKING, TALKING LIVING DOLL !
Coming back to Loni Anderson´s impact on not only pop culture but culture in general, comicbook artists weren´t the only ones who took inspiration from her mindblowing physique. And since she already looked like a walking talking blow up sex doll it was only a matter of time before somebody met the demand of Loni Anderson dolls. The first one was a 11 1/2 inch prototype doll for the IDEAL TOY COMPANY that never went into production while the second one to bear her distinctive facial features was a life - size blow up sex doll that not only went into production but was constantly in rotation to meet the high demand. It was one of the bestsellers and throughout the late 70s and 80s the " Loni Anderson "was one of the most sold love dolls in 52 states - including the bible belt states - and was the most popular amongst truckers and state prison inmates.
BORN FOR PORN 10 : CASTING A LONI ANDERSON SUPER HEROINE MOVIE
Now since I haven´t written much about Loni Anderson up to this point I haven´t done the obligatory super heroine movie casting and the obvious choice would of course be my favorite super heroine of all times, DC Comics Maid of the Massive Mammaries with the magical boob cleavage window, the one and only, often imitated never duplicated PowerGirl.
Not only because she´s my favorite but also because Loni Anderson in her prime state would have been one hell of a PowerGirl. Talk about a missed opportunity. PowerGirl always worked best when paired with Guy Gardner so my Justice League Of America movie would include one of Guy´s usual schemes to have sex with Power Girl. Only I would flip the script on its head and this time it would be Power Girl who instigated the whole thing to get Guy Gardner to fuck her brains out by using ye olde " fake diary with a passage about how Power Girl turns into a cum crazy deepthroat addict when she is drunk "schtick. And the whole thing would take place on Kooeykooey island during the fake fertility fest Power Girl arranged.
That way I could get Busenwunder Loni Anderson to wear Power Girl´s famous coconut bra - without the coconuts of course. Anyway, that would be the obvious choice and if there´s one thing that my longtime followers know me to be than it´s anything but obvious. So my choice for Loni would be Princess Projectra from one of my all time favorite super hero teams - theLegionofSuper - Heroes - and I would put her into her 70s disco outfit which is basically one big cleavage from her neck all the way down to one inch above her private parts, boots and a cape. Which I am sure Loni Anderson could have easily pulled off without breaking a sweat.
As for what kind of scenes I would see her in I have already written about the secret sex orgies the Legion girls celebrated behind closed doors in my latest LEGION OF SUPER - HEROES tribute post so just click there to read more and this way I could add a few of my favorite sexbombs to the cast.
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katy perry snl all natural 32E ( ! ) - 24 - 35 english german irish and portugese ancestry daughter of two pastors tomboy while growing up has developed nicely in all the right places
Now I guess the history behind the Saturday Night Live sketch is public knowledge but for those who have no idea what it´s about it´s Katy Perry´s response to a segment with her and Elmo that was scheduled to appear on the 41st season premiere of Sesame Street in September of 2010 but was not aired after it was uploaded to YouTube and the viewers criticized bra - busting Katy Perry for showing too much cleavage. If you haven´t seen it it´s still on YouTube and I also posted it on the blog.
Anyway, as somebody who is very proud of her breasts ( Katy Perry has gone on record vividly remembering kneeling on her bed as a nine year old and asking God to give her boobs that were so big that if she laid on her back she could not see her feet ) she retaliated to the critics in her own fashion which instantly brought her millions of new male followers.
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somebody who is not on the blog very often : 34DD - 23 - 34 latin mega MILF Rosie Perez ( here MILF stands for Massita I would Like to F - word for the next three months ) whose titanic twin torpedoes almost popped out of her dress. Maybe it´s just me but her XXL breasts seem to get bigger and bigger each consecutive year.
But I´m not the only one who is fascinated by Rosie´s rapidly rising rotund rack as they were even immortalized in a song by Kanye West much to the chagrin of Rosie : " I'm a woman of a certain age, if you're gonna mention me in a song, have a little respect. He mentions my breasts. When you walk down the street and you have 15 - year - old boys ... they're like, ' Yo, Rosie, D's D's, Rosie Perez,' it's no good." I´m not sure what being a woman of a " certain age " has to do with it, because strangers singing about the size of your breasts would have you uncomfortable at any age.
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